I heard recently that sometimes even saints come to the end thinking they haven’t done enough.
So what chance do I have? Who am I kidding… If even saints can’t get it right… Might as well pick up my marbles and go home.
That flashing neon You’re Not Trying Hard Enough never goes away. Solidifying inadequacy no matter what I try. Well that blows my theory that the gods don’t give us tasks that can’t be done.
In my case though it’s true. I really don’t try hard enough. In so many ways. I know this. Look at where I could have been.
And try hard enough for what?
Maybe I’m not looking at this the right way. I have a tendency to want things to be perfect before I begin. I know this. Can’t start down the trail without the correct boots on.
Try hard enough for what? Hard enough to not be a disappointment? But maybe there’s no feedback loop to the flashing Not Hard Enough message. Maybe it’s running off something else. Maybe it’s the message that’s the problem.
Try harder than anyone else? Then what? Don Juan told Castaneda that we don’t know until our last breath whether we’ve succeeded. Until then it can go either way. I can’t lock it in no matter what.
Maybe I’m not looking at this the right way. Krishna told Arjuna to stop getting hung up on how things turn out. Pay attention. A friend told me that she can’t meditate because she gets distracted by thinking these thoughts: Okay, I’m meditating. What comes next?