Sometimes You Have To Hit Me With A Brick

Krazy Kat receives a Love Tap from Ignatz

The past is inevitable. I thought that up a while back and, apart from it sounding clever to me, I didn’t really see much in it. I know that sometimes when I look back on things I think, Okay – I see how I got here. But saying that the past leads to the present is sorta obvious. So, I throw that little phrase out there once in a while, but I haven’t really worked with it.

Last week I was at Kripalu with a group of openhearted souls whom I adore and to whom I bow. We work with Swami Kripalu’s instruction to teach from life experience and from love. The first principle is love.

I’m going to digress for a moment… Patanjali wrote in the yoga sutras that the phenomenal world is a world of experience that exists for our edification. We can experience the events of our lives, learn a bit and leave it at that. We can also go deeper into that experience and move toward realization of the Self.

I came into the week with things on my mind. The sessions in our group can get intense, and they can amplify what’s on my mind, and there came a time when the intensity peaked for me. It was all I could bear. I thought I was going to blow a fuse. I ran into a wall of simple truth, and it wasn’t even new truth; it was shit I know very well. But it came with such a hard edge. I tried to change the subject and I couldn’t. I hated the experience because of how bad it made me feel.

We were supposed to talk about our experience afterward, but I couldn’t face doing it. I couldn’t find any words. I couldn’t get purchase. So I clammed up.

By the next morning I had calmed down and I made my report to the group.

Sometimes I get caught up in what the story says, and I miss what the story tells.

The events of the week were exactly what I needed. The events brought about an experience that contained a lesson that I had to get. The lesson was a simple truth that I’d been able to dodge until now. And the intelligence manifest in the course of events had become insistent about my getting this lesson. So a ton of bricks was dropped on me in order to get my attention. Fair enough.

From the experience itself, from the chain of events, from the way it went down I’m catching on to two things among other things…

1) I’m always offered what I need. Always have been. And I don’t always have the necessary awareness to see the truth and to accept what I need. But truth is eternal and it will out. And if I can’t get my lesson from a butterfly, then eventually I’ll have to get it from a brick. Hard head = hard lesson.

2) If it is true that so far I’ve been getting what I need, then maybe I can afford to have a little more faith in the unfolding future. Particularly when things don’t seem to be going my way.

I don’t want to rationalize suffering with this insight. I don’t want a slogan that I’ll become attached to. I don’t want a reason to be passive. What I do want, is to see as clearly as I can the teaching that is in front of me. And I can’t do that if I’m being fearful and insecure.

My life will go the way that it must according to how I live it. And everything that I need for this moment is present. The difference in the course of my life will be made by whether I react to my experience with narrowness and discontent or whether I take my seat in love and welcome the truth.

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23 responses to “Sometimes You Have To Hit Me With A Brick

  1. Dear Bharat,

    How well you describe the process of how truth comes out- the truth in you and the truth in each one of us – this is how it outs.

    Thanks for this posting – I’m going to read it to a few loved ones.

    I love you, (miss you already, give Elizabeth my best)

    Shraddha

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  2. Dear One Bharat,

    Shenpa Happens. I really want to get that on a bumper sticker… Although Boulder may be the only place where people get it. Kind of like my fave Boulder bumper sticker: ‘My Other Vehicle Is The Mahayana.’

    But I digress…

    Regarding fear and insecurity: I believe that sometimes they are what light the path to lessons and profound truths. Especially if there is some karma in it being burned off. And they also prepare us to receive the truth as the amount of FIRE that it takes to move through fear and insecurity can be the kinetic force that carries us to the next level.

    Kleśa mind and other forms of suffering and duḥkha can only hobble me so long as I avoid sitting with it. In my experience once we apply our open hearts and curious minds to it we can begin to transform it into one of our myriad life curricula.

    Does my experience resonate with yours? What say you dear brother?

    And please pass my love and many hugs to your beloved… I look forward to getting to know her better over the coming decades.

    Pax,
    Saraswati

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  3. Bharat

    Yes everything is coming and right on time. You are loved, there is a secure seat in that. I have put my “piece” on my altar at the feet of Ganesha. I also bow to that space, that intention to trust and be with the unfolding. As always thank you for the gift of this expression. Love and light.

    Jyotika

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  4. I love reaping the benefits when blocks hit your head. When blocks hit my head there is shock and awe then the post concussion amnesia. Good thing we have our writing to remind us. Note to self;;;; read your writing and remember that you knew this before….:)

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  5. We set goals. We reach goals. We set new goals. And what happens? All along the way we are learning and growing. Eventually we find that the goals themselves are fairly arbitrary. There may be different ways for each of us to “get there” but we arrive at the same place: discovering the beauty, the wisdom, the joy within us – the beauty, the wisdom, the joy that is us. The end game is simply becoming ourselves and perhaps the journey itself is the real goal. Take in all that it has to offer then let it go on the wind…and then that little butterfly will tap you on the head and whisper “well hello there Bharat…”

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    • I look forward to the days when I can hear a butterfly whisper, because I’m getting too many knots on my head from all the bricks. Sure miss seeing you in class, pixie girl.

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  6. Wow. Beautifully put. I would love to visit Kripalu but for now I’ll live vicariously through your experience. It’s strange how the truth hits us like a brick even if it was there all along. I recently had this experience. It was something I knew deep down, but was afraid to face I guess. Someone put it into the words I couldn’t find and it was one of those “a-ha” moments as my girl Oprah would say. I think I’ll “take my seat in love and welcome the truth” too.

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    • Thanks, Colleen. It is awfully hard to face it sometimes. And like you say, we know it deep down. The good part is that we do have something within that we can trust. Thanks.

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  7. “A little more faith in the unfolding future”… yes, please. I think i’ll pull up a chair to my kitchen table for this faith and make some room for it. Faith in the unfolding future seems so easeful, doesn’t it? Better than the hard knock when that brick makes contact.

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  8. Every paragraph gave me inspiration for a talking point here in the comments section, but then, after three or four of these floating in my mind, I decide you really sort of said it all. I just wrapped up a post about the yoga sutras, one of my favorite’s about samyana on the heart (ch 3 v 34) that I’ll put live on Monday (no sense in saturating my readers with all my bright ideas). I decided to stop by some of my favorite blogs, one of which is yours, and here you are speaking to me on a similar but different topic all together. I love how this works.

    It’s like, in home yoga practice working on a pose you haven’t worked on in a while and them, going to yoga class and that being the pose of the week.

    I’m working on that faith you wrote about, and really, letting go of things so what is present can come forth. There is a 500 hour training I am near desperate to go to, much like I was wild with desperation to get into the 200 hour training that has made teaching available. When I gave in and let go of getting into that first program BaM! There it was. Like the Universe is waiting for us to quit manhandling everything so it can

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  9. do it’s thing. Guess I got too wordy, I didn’t even proof read that comment, sorry. I suppose you get my drift. This was a beautiful and provocative post that made me think and I appreciate your writing. Now, I’m really done 🙂

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    • I do get your drift, Auntie. When the time comes that you often see how synchronized things are, then the next thing is to let go of being surprised by it. I’m really looking forward to seeing your next post. And I think everyone should read your blog, so I’d like to link to it. Come Monday, I’m clicking.

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  10. Bharat,
    I finally took the time to read your blog. I was so blown away by our training I just had to come home and sink in. I’ve started journalling and the presence and reflection feels natural.
    So like you I will stop the resistance and little by little chip away. I”m trying to be open and let the resistance go and finding that yes my relationship with my spouse is getting deeper and better and I am happier.

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    • Your practice has been gaining strength, Karuna Ma. Each little bit of tightness we dissolve opens more of the great vista. Your journey has been inspirational to us all. Thank you.

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  11. Oh the irony. When I was fresh off 200 hr YTT at Kripalu, living in Brooklyn I’d meet with a fellow kripaluite once a week and we’d study and discuss, churn over thé yamas & niyamas. Both of us were stumped that there wasn’t a ” trust” Yama. or niyama. We decided that ( tothis day im stillnot sure how) but we decided that Ishwara Pranidana didnt count as trust. Nor did asteya. nor aparigraha. Etc, etc. hahahahahaha HA! I was relieved. I didn’t want to turn that one over. hey! according to us trust wasn’t in yoga’s top 10, I was in the clear! Don’t gotta work that, just don’t hit, don’t steal, and be moderate. I’m cool.
    Trust in the moment, trust in the outcome, trust in the journey, a little more faith in my experience. Just as it is. ? Sounds like a permission slip to walk the halls during class. To me this brings equal measures of joy-relief and fear. Brfwa. But I should do double pigeon. Again. Allow. Surrender. Be carried by the current. I’m gonna build a better boat with more power to make it further upstream.
    Sometimes it is a ton of bricks, sometimes just a still moment that arrives in the midst of a quickie meditation, and brings a tear down the cheek. Either way, it’s full of love, eh?

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