My old car leaks oil. I pour oil in the top and it comes out the bottom. I figure that as long as I can pour it in the top faster than it comes out the bottom I can keep it on the road.
That makes me think of my practice – trying to pour it in the top faster than it comes out the bottom.
I know there’s something bad I should be thinking about, but I can’t remember what it is. It’s not like I haven’t screwed up lately, so I know there’s something I should worry about, somebody I should apologize to. But I get all Bo Peep – loose my sheep and can’t find the little fucks.
That’s alright. It’ll come to me.
I need to do something. Something that if I did it the tumblers would all line up and a lock would drop. But it needs to be something hard. I feel like something easy wouldn’t do it.
I get caught up in the figuring of it all.
If I knew exactly where I was and how I got here and knew exactly how everything works, then I should be able to determine exactly where I want to go, how to get there and exactly when I will arrive.
I have read books and lots of posts on the interwebs and I think about it all and say to myself, Well… now what do you think?
Sometimes people ask me what I think, and I have the audacity to tell them. I tell them, This is some complicated shit!
I try hard or I don’t try at all – I can’t tell which.
I could sit down by a river. I could look out at the flow and make an outline around what I think is me. But it wouldn’t stay. I could watch the river from now on and I could never make it stay.
What good are answers, anyway.
Better to notice how the ground feels against my feet.
Once in a while I have an inexplicable sense of wellbeing.
And I realize that there are a lot of these debates I don’t even want to get into.
I’m always on the lookout for better metaphors, but…
I am drawn toward the amusing conclusion that I am in truth a simple man.