I wonder if the guards …

I wonder if the guards are here
to keep me out or to keep me in

I didn’t think that way back then
when life stacked up like the air
on a hot day over Houston St.

but I knew…

back when
I just wanted fewer bars on my door and

a dance with Delia Saturday night and I
didn’t think about how much was behind me

or how much was in front of me it seemed
like forever either way and now I just want

to outlive myself into a skin that wouldn’t
have fit before and now I wake up every day
and say man it’s about time you got serious

but it never is about time is it

~

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6 responses to “I wonder if the guards …

  1. I can relate to that my friend, In fact, my skin has never felt less well tailored. And though the guards usually seem not to be for me, I feel the skin on my neck crawl every night in my shallow sleep. Something’s coming. I’m not prepared no matter how I make resolution in my easier moments.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I want to get back to basics and try to stay strong for myself and others. Fundamentals. The yamas come to mind. But right now that’s all I got. I’m too old and tired to man the barricades – and it could come to that. I don’t know what’s coming next either, but I too have a bad feeling about it. We must not despair. We might be coming into a reordering that will bring some awakening. Like Rumi says, when a bunch of sorrows come beating on your door, let ’em in. They might be clearing you out for something better. Amor y Paz, my friend.

      Like

    • Thanks, Pandavi. It’s hard to be done with the old self – who maybe was doing alright. But you know how it is. If you want to grow into something better you’re first going to have to be willing to grow out of where you are, comfortable though it may be. And come to a certain age you start hearing footsteps behind you.

      Like

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